Getting things off my chest

To the Boy Who Was Eager to Grow Up

To the Boy who was eager to grow up,

When we first met, I was attracted to your drive, your ambition, your love for family, and above all else, your love for God. We would spend hours talking on the phone and spend every waking moment together. It helped that we were both still in school so many of our dates were spent studying together. You got the approval of my parents to start dating me, and went out of your way to make sure that both my parents and your parents were happy for us. You also went out of your way and made the effort to be the best boyfriend ever.

You accepted who I was as a person, with all my flaws and insecurities, and you told me that you loved me long before I could say the same. You graced me with compliments and spoiled me with gifts, and were incredibly patient with me being comfortable with your family. It took me a long time to tell you that I loved you, but when I finally did, our relationship started to bloom even more. You were my first love.

But my realization of my love for you was also the beginning of the end of our relationship. It made me become more aware of the things that bothered me; things that were not petty or trivial, but would be around for the future. You vowed to change, which you did, for about a few months. You were the epitome of the phrase, “You can’t change a man,” and yet I tried to do just that. You tried to change who I was and tried to control what I did, where I went, and who I saw. You enforced rules on me and would yell at me whenever I did something wrong. I could not get along with your family and you made sure that I knew that you did not like that.

You were eager to grow up, and dying to gain the approval of your father with everything that you did. Your relationship with him was not the greatest, and it caused ripples in not only your relationship with your family, but also with ours. You brought up the topic of marriage three months in, and it was more of a statement rather than a question. You asked me to marry you and I said no, not yet, not because I did not want to at the time, but simply because I was not ready. I wanted to finish school and establish a career first. When I told you that I was thinking about going abroad to pursue volunteering in Human Resources, you shot the whole idea down and told me that I was selfish and should stick to places in Toronto.

You became another parent to me, something that I did not want. You scared me off the idea of marriage and having children, and made me question if Christian males were any different than those who are not. You made me realize that getting along with my partner’s parents and family were important, and the type of person that I did not want to be with for the rest of my life.

What did my parents, family and friends think? When they found out that we had ended our relationship, they were all elated. I think that speaks volumes to what they thought and felt over the course of the two and half years that we were together. I remember when we finally spoke on the phone and you asked me if our breakup was affecting me as much as it was affect you. I said no, and it was not to be mean, but it was something that I had thought about for a long time. We already went on a break once, and during that time when I asked you to give me space and time to think reflect, you constantly bothered me.

In the end, it was for the best. You were a great person and partner, but we were just not meant to be together. You will always have a place in my heart as you were a big part of my life. And for that, I am forever grateful. So thank you :)

Yours truly,



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